A Mood, not a Destination.

Yes, I love One Tree Hill,

and yes, I quote One Tree Hill. 

don't judge me.

It's funny because I've re-watched episodes and seasons of it, and certain things will stick out to me the second time around, and last night this quote hit me. Spoke right to me!

I've totally been guilty of viewing happiness that way. I think we all become accustomed to thinking that way about it. If we meet that person, if our debt is paid off, if we get over this rough season, then just maybe we can be at that place of happiness. I have felt that way at times. Honestly, I am guilty of trying to be a perfectionist. I have this gut feeling that tells me I'm not enough and to try harder, and be better constantly.  So I push and push, strive beyond measure, and then when I'm unhappy I can't reach these unattainable expectations, I break...break hard. I take it so personally, and become irrational about the situation, and it's hard for me to see that. 

For example, let's say Hank and I have a little knit pick argument. Maybe I've had a build up weight of stress from the demands of the day, maybe he has a build up of fatigue and stress from the calls of the night.  I start to think we are arguing because I am wrong, then it unravels to me thinking I'm a bad wife, then to me thinking we are a bad couple, then to me thinking we will never be happy together. I know this sounds so extreme and even silly, trust me, typing it myself I feel silly at the realization of the sound of it, but that's truly how I'm wired to feel in those situations.

I'm learning to detach myself from things. That maybe, just maybe, I'm not to blame for any and every circumstance that will come my way that I don't like, and you know what, it's freeing in a sense. I feel as if teaching myself to think that way, that I can achieve happiness more, just like the quote. To not fly off the handle and ruin the whole day for it. To find happiness in the little things, in many ways.

I don't know if any of these thoughts made any sense, but my scattered blonde head wanted to share them with you today :) May you think of happiness as a mood, not a destination, and find it more often. 

XOXO, Kess

Jesus, take the wheel.

Have you ever felt like you have been running on empty, things all around you falling apart, day in and day out kind of rut??

I have.

...and for weeks.

Weeks that have been days of Henry's early hints of terrible twos, messy house, irritated attitude, and no motivation. I just felt like Charlie Brown with the little rain cloud overhead that follows you around everywhere.

I'm usually a happy one, and people count on that.

So do I.

But happy people get sad too.

These past few weeks I've been overwhelmed.

Sad for nothing, sad for everything.

From anxiety to heartache,

 stressing at other's suffering,

 discouragement to not meeting other's needs,

running around like a chicken with it's head cut off,

running late to everything,

texts or calls I forgot to return,

 trying to be a present parent,

irritability and lack of patience with people,

unmotivated to cook or clean,

to feeling isolated and missing the support system of family and friends,

 to being paralyzed by my own standards of perfectionism and indecision on every level,

and honestly, just not feeling pretty or good about myself.

oh, and writer's block.

it was UGLY.

So much "wahh-wahh" right there but that's what is real.

So today, during my morning run, I prayed, and instantly, His peace settled into my soul.  I prayed and asked God to bless my week. I asked Him to help me with my stress and anxiety, to shut doors that I don't need to walk through (anyone else have a problem saying no?) and guide me down the path most useful to HIM.  I heard God speaking truth my heart needed to hear, and felt his covering of grace I needed to feel.

So glad I woke up to run. So glad I tried. So glad I prayed.

Do you ever get so caught up in life that you forget to take a step back and ask God for help??

I'm embarrassed to say that it took me an entire week to realize that I hadn't given ANY of my stress and anxiety to God.

My faith isn't perfect but it's good. I don't always understand God's plan but I'm trying to be like Him. I love Him and know he is with me through this. I've got restored and renewed hope.

I know my perfectionism makes me wait for the most amazing way to do something and then over thinking it and then crumbling under pressure and doing nothing out of self-discourage.

So I am going to press on, knowing I'm at the mercy of Jesus.

Sometimes social media and such wears me down, but yet then it can fill me back up.

I'm glad to have this space to share with you, friend.

When you're discouraged, I hope I'm the person that can fill your spirits when you need it.

Cause I know my heart soaks up encouragement from friends and family like a sponge in the hard times.

Today has been one of the brighter days for me.

 It's no wonder this day was so much better then any of my days the last week or so! When we throw our hands in the air and ask Jesus to take the wheel, our ride is so so, SO much smoother.

// "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7 \\

A few of my favorite things.

 

Hey there everyone!

Lately I feel as if all my recent posts start off with "it's been a quick minute" or "long time no post", guess that comes with the territory of summer!  We have been so insanely busy with two sisters weddings (bridal shower, reception, rehearsal all x2) camping, family reunions, anniversary, and more! I'm relieved that we just finished the swing of things and we are transitioning into my favorite season, fall.

 

 

Anywho, my post today is actually a post I'm going to try to do on a monthly basis, and I will title it "a few of my favorite things" I am totally one of those people who loves to sit around and listen to people rant and rav about recent things they've tried and loved. If they love it so much, I want to give it a shot, ya know? Well I thought maybe I could pass along some things I've been enjoying too, hopefully they are nice suggestions and you can try them for yourself. xoxo!

 

1. Gold Polka Dot Slip-On Tennis Shoes:

These have been a must have for me. They are super comfy, but chic enough to tie together any outfit. These particular ones are from Old Navy for $12. I've enjoyed dressing them up and down!

 

2. NYX Liquid Illuminator:

This stuff, oh my word. So I've been on the hunt for the perfect highlighter/illuminator for my makeup routine, and quite frankly, everything has seemed too blotchy/streaky or too expensive.  I bought this on a whim at Ulta (I believe it was $8) and sure enough, I love it. Gives your cheekbones a chiseled glow; it comes in two shades, a Rose color (pinkish tint) or Sun Beam (coral gold). I bought the Sun Beam color, and it's definitely going to be a go to from now on!

 

3. Heart-Shaped Sunnies:

Okay, a little back story on these. So I have wanted a pair for several months, and when I finally pulled the trigger, I bought some for quite the deal on eBay. BAD IDEA. They took 3 weeks to get here, came in blue instead of brown, then I paid the shipping for them to send me the correct ones, then they sent me bright red after an additional 3 weeks....ugh. Finally I just asked for a return haha. Anyways, I snatched these up at American Eagle for $10 and I just love them. Perfect shape, perfect tint. I love the retro chic look to them as well. My sister Kaitlyn has the exact pair, she did it right the first time ;)

 

4. Oversized Slouchy Tee:

I could live in this thing day in and day out. No joke, I'm always washing and hanging this thing to wear. I got it at Deb on clearance for $3 and I wish I would have bought them all haha! I love how it drapes, and how the back is gradually longer.  It's fun to dress up with a statement necklace and colored denim, over just to throw on with jeans and converse for a quick outing. Go get some, they are perfect!

 

5. Hawaiian Tropic Shimmering Effect Lotion:

This is probably my favorite item in this post. I can't remember the price on this but I'm certain it was under $10. This lotion rocks! It highlights your natural skin tone, and has a beautiful golden bronze shimmer in it. Can't help but love the coconut papaya scent either! The shimmer is gorgeous and suble, rather than looking like an 8 year old that just dumped glitter, its very pretty. I love it!

 

6. Urban Decay Naked 2 Eyeshadow Palette:

Can you tell I love makeup?? I am not the best at it, but I tell you what, I love to learn tricks and play with new products. I splurged on this kit, and I tell you what, its honestly worth every penny. (which unfortunately it is a lot of pennies, but worth it!) It has gorgeous neutrals, shimmers, and smokey eye potential, and I truly notice a difference in the quality of the color and it's long lasting effect. Go get one!

 

7. Scentsationals (walmart) brand scentsies:

At first I really didn't like the Wal-mart brand scentsy bars, I felt they had limited kinds, and didn't last at all. Even if you used three or four squares! They've came a long way, and recently I've enjoyed their "warm apple pie" and "coffee cake swirl" flavors.

 

8. Statement Necklaces:

Anyone knows a statement necklace polishes an outfit, and they are so unique! Both of these I have found at Rue 21, both on clearance for $3!! I love their selection. They have all sorts of looks, bohemian, rocker, and vintage styles. They are perfect, and inexpensive!

 

9. Black Pencil Skirt:

Another must have basic for your closet. This particular one is from Rue 21, and I always go to it! My all time favorite look is a graphic tee, black pencil skirt, and either heels or converse. This one is seriously so comfortable and stretchy, and flattering for all!

 

I hope you enjoyed this post, and I hope you are enjoying these last couple weeks of summer!

 

Xoxo, Kess

 

 

Upstream.

My life has been somewhat exhausting lately. I have this image in my head of a fish persisting to swim upstream; it's how I feel. I feel like from the minute I wake up in the morning to the second I close my eyes at night to rest, that I am swimming against a strong current of chaos and frustration, and it seems as if I try to rest afloat for a moment, I just might drown.

Every season in life is so different, and this one has been quite the challenge. Henry is constantly destructing and on the verge of an owwie waiting to happen, and saying no repeatedly doesn't seem to cut it. Hank and I have our own rough patch lately, and with little to no time in our schedule to communicate, it makes things difficult. I feel like my brain is so jam packed with demands, the demands of a toddler's extensive caretaking, (which I love, truly. Just exhausting and trying at times) the demands of customers repeatedly at work, and even the demands and expectations I put on myself. I came across a quote from a little book written in 1882, and as a part time stay at home mom/part time working mom, it truly inspired and encouraged me.

"When we look at a little child and remember all this, what a dignity surrounds the work of caring for it! Does God give angels any grander work than this? ..But in any work in marble so great as hers who has an immortal life laid in her hands to shape for its destiny? Is the writing of any poem in musical lines so noble a work as the training of a poem of a human soul into harmony?"

Whoa, that hit home. Being a mama, working girl, and caretaker of my home isn't the easiest tasks, but at the same time I'm SO grateful it's mine. It's both the sweetest and the toughest thing I've ever tackled.

Xoxo, Kess

Wordless Wednesday. {Kyllies Alice in Wonderland Bridal Shower}

A whimsy of nonsense, silliness, and chaotic magic. enjoy lovelies. 

Do you suppose she is a wildflower?

The Invite! 

The Mad hatter's tent (with flamingo garland)

Royal Croquet Court

Who R U? Shower Game

Advice journal for Mr. and Mrs. 

Red Dipped Roses. 

The Wonderland photo booth.

Bread and Butterflies (made from toilet paper rolls and paper) 

Welcome to the rabbit hole. 

Whimsical food display

eat me & drink me tea parties pastries and desserts. 

The gift table. 

Don't step on the mome raths!

Love the doorknob detail. 

The 3 sisters. 

Wonderland photo props.

mama, kess, ky, kait

they're stunning, i know <3

#outtakes #sophotogenicright

oh my heart, i love them so <3

kyllie deeann and kessie darae

sunny rays.

so silly!

Special ladies, oh so dear. 

a sunday prayer for you & i.

Hi friends.

May I pray with you today?

Maybe you've had a really wonderful week.

Maybe you've had a really crummy week.

Either way, you've had a week, and with that, can I pray to equip you for your next one??

Lets open this week with a prayer.

Today, my prayer is about hope. Really needing it, and really heavy on my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Jesus,

Sometimes this world is hard for us to understand.

and even though we trust you, our hearts still ache.

so we come to you today to find the hope that we so desperately need.

hope that sees past the "here and now" to the "then and there" 

hope that believes in what we cannot yet glimpse.

hope that holds our hearts up in the moments when life knocks us to our knees.

You are the only one who can sustain us. 

You are the only one who can save us.

Be the rescuer of our souls, the deliverer of our dreams, the holder of our hearts.

We believe even in the darkest night you will lead us to the dawn.

We will wait firmly.

Give us courage.

Surround us with your comfort.

Love us through to the other side like only YOU can.

We put our hope, and the hopes of the ones we love, in YOU.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May you have a blessed week, dear lovelies.

XOXO, Kess

Self-Love Talk.

Okay peeps, this post is about to get real, and real quick. 

It's been a quick minute since my last post about a month-ish ago. 

Honestly it's been a whirlwind of a month too. Lost of ups and downs. Frankly, it's been really rough. :(

But I will persevere. With some prayers, coffee, chocolate, laughs, and tears along the way. 

 So let's start my post...shall we, friend?

Last week I was in Pocatello for my sister's bridal shower (she had an Alice in Wonderland themed party which you will just die when you see the decor I made for it, pics to come soon!), and happened to have gone to Lagoon and Ross Park Pool. Ayyy yi yi, here we go.....

So let's just say I have swimsuit anxiety haha. In fact, it's a rare moment that I even wear shorts! It's been this way for years for whatever reason, and the last time I really remember wearing anything that remotely showed my legs was in my cheerleading uniform days. Well since then, and growing a baby, I've had self esteem issues. 

Until NOW. 

Don't think that this NOW means I think I've totally got it on, that's definitely not the truth and definitely not what I think. 

I refuse to miss out on Henry's high-pitched, pool-induced giggles because of my insecurities.
I refuse to let other people's judging eyes prevent me from playing in the sun-glittering water with my son.
I refuse to let my self-image influence Henry.
I refuse to sacrifice memories with Henry because of a mommy body. 
Because at the end of the day, it's not about me.

It's about HENRY. 

I want him to remember twirling in the water with his mama.
I want him to remember splash fights together.
I want him to remember jumping off the edge of the pool into my arms.
I want him to remember his mom was there, with him! 

So I'll have you know the beach cover is off, the swimsuit is on, and my baby and I are enjoying the summer side by side. 

Xoxo, Kess