July 13, 2015

little moments.

I remember before I had Henry my vision of motherhood was quite immaculate.

I pictured waking up and having time to myself to get put together, hair neatly done, fresh washed face with some makeup, dressed, birds chirping, pancakes and eggs cooking, and sure enough, a sweet little baby waking up to cooing and giggles and the day filled with sunshiney smiles and snuggles all the day through.

Most days it's yoga pants, an oversized tee, brushed teeth, messy pony and a groggy little smiley boy coming out of his room who doesn't want anything except chocolate milk and Mickey Mouse. The day is spent with lots of questions, toddler mood swings, and the addition of the smiles and snuggles.

I'm not saying this to shock you. I'm not saying this to seem negative.

I feel like nobody tells you the depth and work of motherhood.

I don't feel like anybody could explain it to the extent exactly.

It's something you learn as you go. and still are trying to learn. 

I wish somebody would've told me out of love that it was going to be hard.

Being a mom is seriously what my heart calls and longs to do, and even then it can be challenging.

It's also the most wonderful, precious, and rewarding aspect of your life.

There are days when I seriously feel like my day as a mother is a pop up Hallmark card. Henry is giggly, we are reading books and exploring life together, he's saying his ABC's, playing at the park, and ending the day with silly stories before bedtime.

There are days I remember from Henry's newborn colic that left me so exasperated, discouraged, and downright defeated. Days where there are tantrums, mood swings, and manners are out the door, and we are struggling to get to bed.

That is life.

It's messy. unpredictable. wonderous. bittersweet. joyous. challenging. amazing.

Yesterday I had my "moment". After a long morning of packing up camp (have you ever tried to pack up a pop up camper? Holy guacamole, frustrating!) while trying to rein in a toddler, while tired and pregnant I looked around and thought, "This is only going to get....crazier?!"

Then driving our 6 hr drive home I had a different kind of "moment". A drive with a toddler in general can be treacherous, but this one was different. It was a drive I pictured long ago when I dreamed up my future, and I was living it :) Henry and I were singing "Here Comes the Sun" and to hear him say "wittle dawlin" was just melting me in a puddle. We danced to Uptown Funk, and pointed out windmills along the freeway. Henry eagerly sang Wheels on the Bus and would say when it was Mommy or Daddy's turn. We had our Hallmark card moment

There is so much access for comparison in this world lately. People point and shoot put together photos of clean dreamy homes with smiley dressed babies doing fancy traveling and the world goes round and round about it.

Everyone posts the highlights, nobody posts the behind the scenes. 

You don't see how someone just cleared their neglected laundry off the couch to take a picture of that DIY they tried for the third time. You don't see the crankiness, and sleepless night that mommy and baby just had, and for a quick minute she got that baby smiling and needed to capture it. You don't see that they have saved months, maybe years for that much needed vacation from stress you didn't know they are bearing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the little things in life are meant to be soaked up, meant to be embraced and cherished wholeheartedly. Most of the time days aren't filled with big grand outrageous adventure. Motherhood is a string of little moments, smiles, milestones, joys, and firsts.

I just know one day these little things will mean the world to me. These little moments may be "little things" right now, but I just know looking back they will be the biggest things ever.