January 22, 2013

Failure and Success.

The coffee shop is quiet except for the sound of voices at the table across from me. I can’t help but overhear

An older man says, “Most people think failure is here.” He taps one edge of the table. “And that success is here.” He taps the opposite edge. Then he places both of his hands in the center of the table. “But failure and success are really here. Side by side.”

The young man he’s talking to nods and the mentor continues, “Don’t try to avoid failure completely. Or you’ll never be successful.

His words ring in my ears and my heart as I take another sip of coffee.
Every time I get ready to try something new I hear the question, “What if it doesn’t work?” And the answer is, of course, “I’ll look like a fool.” Over time I’ve come to believe this–that’s not a good enough reason not to do it.

Looking like a fool comes with the territory of God-sized dreams.

Noah built an ark.

Moses wandered in the desert.

Jesus hung on the cross.

And those who watched shook their heads and muttered words like “failure” and “fool.” Little did they know.

Is that you today?

Have you stepped out in faith and wondered why you feel like a fool?

Have you come across failure like a roadblock in your path?

Keep going, friend.

You’re closer to success, to victory than you know. Pretty soon you’ll be able to see it.

Feel it.

Know it.

Reach out and touch its nail-scarred hands.

Don’t give up. Or give in. Or compromise. Or quit.

You’re going to make it.
And it’s going to make you…

not into a fool,
not into a failure,
but into a victorious follower. <3

Henry's Birth Story.

Ever since my little bug was born, I've been thinking heavily about journaling all of the little events of Henry's arrival. I want to remember the day that little one made me a mommy, and forever changed my life. So let's begin, shall we? :)

It was December 26th, and my nesting 40week pregnant self was driving myself batty. I woke up motivated to turn my little festive home into "baby mode". I hastily took apart the Christmas tree, folded up the stockings, boxed the ornaments, and vaccuemed the remaining tinsel and needle mess. I began setting up the guest bedroom space for our help and visitors to arrive, and deep cleaned the remainder of the house. With the house all lemon limed, bubbled, scrubbed, and sparkling, and dinner in the oven, I sat my swollen, uncomfortable self down to watch TV until the hubster came home. We ate a yummy chicken, potato, and green bean dinner, and relaxed in our movie room watching old episodes of one of the many TV show obsessions we have, "The Office" (Seriously, that show kills me). We watched the episode titled "Baby Shower" and then went to bed really early.

Now, to the good part....contractions. :)

I woke up feeling a dull tightness in my hips and pelvis. "Oh great, more Braxton Hicks." I reassured myself, scoffing and rolling in bed, hoping to ease the pain. But this pain was a different sensation from the Braxton Hicks I'd been having. The Braxton Hicks had been sharp, and in the top of my ribcage, as if someone was bear hugging me and compressing my ribcage. I stumbled into our movie room, grabbed the heating pad and blanket, and turned on my Netflix. I honestly can't remember what show or anything, all I remember is that the contractions were strong enough to make the TV just noise in the background. It was now 2:45 AM on December 27th, and I began texting myself every time I felt the tightness in disbelief, thinking I had just overworked myself doing housework and was now having to pay for it. Soon enough I had noticed I had been texting "Oww" to myself every 4-6 minutes or so, and called Hank to come to the other room. He fumbled out of bed, wiping his weary eyes and muttering to me, not really awake whatsoever. "Is this it? Is it time to go to the hospital?" he asked. I could hardly respond back to him, as they were getting more intense with each contraction. I finally nodded of approval to his suggestion, and he jumped in the shower and packed the bags into the car. I got up from the recliner and threw on my sweatshirt and grabbed my glasses, kissed my Ernie goodbye, and we headed out. Of course the only day the Treasure Valley decided to get snow was the day we would need to be admitted into the hospital! The roads were packed with snow and very slick, so we ended up treading along at 15MPH down the road to St. Alphonsus Hospital. I was so glad right from the get-go of my pregnancy that the hospital was so convieniently located to our house. We pulled up to the maternity door entrance, and I began waddling in. Hank went to park the car, then paced in right after me. We road the elevator up to the 2nd floor, where I was handed consent forms and put in a treatment room to have my cervix checked. I had 2 RN's come into the room, one who appeared to have been very experienced, and a younger one that was just shy of 5months out of nursing school. The younger RN (Raylene) was very hesitant and unsure of everything that she was doing, so everything she would end up doing, the other lady would have to step in and assist in the procedure. Bless her heart, she really was trying. I was dialated to a 3 and was instructed to walk the maternity floor for 1hr to make some progression in dialation. I'm pretty sure every minute felt like an infinity. I was walking and holding Hank's hand, and when a contraction would onset, I would grab a side rail and lean my head against the wall, and Hank would rub my low back really firmly to ease the muscle pain. I had finally walked my hour, and it was now almost 6AM, and they checked my cervix once more. I was now dialated to a 4, and told that I would be having this baby today! I was so excited and relieved that these pains were finally for my labor and for a purpose! By 7AM they had called the anesthesiologist and he was headed in to the hospital. The contractions were getting stronger and more intense, closer in timing as well. He finally arrived at 8:30, and I began signing my consent forms to recieve an epidural. I then sat up and turned sideways in the hospital bed, leaning over onto a food tray and arching my spine. I held Hank's hands, and my whole body was trembling in fear of the needle. I felt a quick pinch, and it was over. I then could feel him inserting the epidural and the tube; it was the weirdest sensation to be able to feel it in my spine but not feel any pain. From then on I began moving up in dialation every hour, and then my OB (Juliette) arrived. My mom, dad, and sisters had made it up, and came in to greet me. My dad was watching the monitor and was trying to guess each time a contraction was coming on. They then went to the waiting room so I could rest before I started pushing. Juliette came in and before I knew what she was doing, I realized she had broken my water, and then dressed for delivery. Hank, Juliette, and an RN named Nichole were all in the delivery room, and we got ready for his arrival! I began pushing at 4PM. At first I was pushing 3 times each at 10secs, then at 4 times for 8secs. Even though I couldn't feel any pain, I was shocked how physically exhausting it was. After pushing and pushing with little progress at the end, we finally decided to use the forceps. She pulled him out and placed him on my chest. He was absolutely perfect, just perfect :") I held him against me to regulate his temperature and both Juliette and Nichole rubbed him vigerously with a towel to get him breathing. I remember looking at him then looking up to Hank with such pride in Henry, and a sense of accomplishment for bringing him into this world. Hank then cut the cord and was escorted with a nurse over to weigh him and check his vitals. "Henry is 7lbs 11oz, and 20inches long! and cute as ever!" The nurse announced from across the room. I looked over and saw Hank leaned over with Henry grasping onto his finger, and that just thrilled my heart. They dressed him in a white hospital outfit with a blue/pink striped hat and blanket, and Hank brought him back to the bedside by me. He gave me a big kiss and told me he was so proud of me, and that I did a great job. He was my rock, he was so wonderful to have by my side. We then spent a few moments recooping and bonding as a little family for the first time, and Hank pulled out the video camera that we had just got for Christmas from my parents a few hours earlier. We recorded him looking at us, taking in the world and his new parents, and our first moments of parenthood. Since then I've watched the video several times and it gets me everytime, it is the most special moment in a lifetime. The intercom came on and a nursery rhyme was playing announcing over the hospital that a new baby was born. My mom and dad, and Kaitlyn came in to admire and meet Henry. They instantly fell in love as well. My grandparents happened to be passing through town on their way home from Portland with my cousin Shaiden, so they stopped in and met him as well. Hank soon went out and called and updated all his family, and they were all eager and proud for us as well.

I cannot begin to describe the profound love I have for Henry, and what a memorable day it was bringing him into this world. That boy is the boy who made me a mommy, and I am forever changed and grateful for that. December 27th will be a day I remember for the rest of my life, and I plan to live from that day on giving him my very best. I love him forever, I love him for always, as long as I'm living, my baby he'll be. :)

XOXO, Kess

January 3, 2013

One Week.

Today marks exactly one week from when my baby Henry graced me with his presence; everyone is right, cherish it, for time surely flies. I already know I'm going to be that emotional mommy who cries at his first birthday, or the mommy that is being heavily hinted to leave when I drop him off at kindergarten. But that's okay by me. I'll also be the mommy who constantly assuring my son of my unconditional love and support for him. And that to me will be enough :)

So let me try to share with you some highlights from this new and crazy learning experience of motherhood so far.

1. It is humbling. I realized for certain that I am not capable of doing everything and anything all on my own strength. I have had to step back and let people in, guiding me and helping me learn the ropes. I have such a respect for moms in all stages, whether single moms, moms of multiple children, working moms, its such a crazy melay for me to just handle one ;) But I am more than grateful for the opportunity, because trust me, it is beyond rewarding.

2. You will not sleep. Hank and I used to be what I like to call on the "retired couple" routine. We would have dinner, watch our shows, and be tuckered out and ready for bed around 9. But I tell ya, ever since last Thursday when I went in to deliver our son, I have yet to know the time or date or any sort of sense of schedule. I am a big schedule person, so this is definitely an adjustment, because parenthood clearly does not run on schedule.

3. It is special. I remember glancing at my big belly wondering just picturing what life would be like after he was born...what would he look like? what will our home be like? how will things go? But now looking at his sweet fuzzy blonde head and holding him contently in my arms, I feel as if he has had this place in my life all along. <3

Other little tidbits I have enjoyed that are short, sweet, and to the point :)

-Hank talking, holding, and tending to Henry.
-Ernie snuggling Henry
-The little squeaks, expressions, smiles, and snuggles from Henry
-Riding in the car with little Henry snoozing in the back in his carseat
-How our home is a little unkept, but its unkept with baby gadgets and due to us being busy loving on our newborn
-breastfeeding (now that we've FINALLY got it down)
-being so delirious and giggly with my husband during our late nights. The other morning we were giggling and singing "Old Yeller" to each other and we honestly could not contain ourselves!

There are more I could list and I could ramble on and on, but duty calls, and it's my up for the diaper change!

Until then XOXO,

January 2, 2013

Hello blogging world.

Hello lovelies!

I have finally gave in to my urge to compose a blog, so bear with me on this. I thought it would be nice to have a little place for me to reflect on random tidbits, and as well as share memories life has thrown my way. So for starters, let me give you an overall outlook of me :)

My name is Kessie, but I am Kess to most.
I have a husband named Hank, and we met our senior year in highschool (2008-2009), and we have been best friends and in love ever since. We got married (8-9-2010) at a beautiful outdoor pavillion up around the Mink Creek area in Pocatello, our hometown. That same August, we moved to Nampa, which is the outskirts of Boise, and we have been here since. We really enjoy all the things Nampa has to offer; it has a cute farmland feel but yet we can head into downtown Boise, where we indulge in roaming around the capital building and peering in the city shops. The following August (2011) we were blessed to purchase our first home, and spent our first anniversary packing and unpacking boxes, laughing, and establishing a sense of home in our new space. In May (2012) we found out our little family of my husband, the pooch, and I was expanding when I saw 2 pink lines on a test! I had an amazing pregnancy, working 2 jobs and active as ever; I was so fortunate to have it that well. Recently we welcomed our little bundle of joy, Henry Scott Gummersall III, into our lives this month (December 27, 2012) and so far he fits right in. It honestly astounds me that someone so small and that you've known for so little of time can be such an impact on your heart, and that you cannot fathom life without them. I think that sums me up pretty well. I hope this blog can be a tool for me to look back on to reflect, smile, and reitterate all of life's little blessings and moments, and a place where I can share my heart. Until next time, XOXO Kess