What's my Purpose?

Lord I just cry out this prayer to you day in and day out lately.

My heart feels so tattered and broken.

I find myself in complete discouragement and hopelessness, and can't seem to see Your light throughout all this.

I feel like I exhaust myself loving and serving the people You have placed in my life, only to fall short and fail in return. 

Please reaffirm You love me. 

You chose me.

You have purpose for me. 

....and that I am ENOUGH.

Xoxo, Kess

Wordless Wednesday [happy fall y'all]

XOXO, Kess

These are the Days.

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers"

-Anne of Green Gables

Oh Anne with an E, I couldn't agree with you more girlfriend! October is seriously my favorite time of year. I love everything about the fall and I get swept up in the season's magic every year. There is just something about the crunching leaves, pumpkin patches, football games, layered outfits, hunting season, and more that make my heart jitter. 

Last night we did our 2nd year of the family tradition of doing Papa Murphey's Pizza and pumpkins, and we had so much fun. I went and got Henry paint and stickers for his little pumpkin that way he didn't feel left out or bored during the carving process. We laughed, carved, and jammed out to Thriller and monster mash; it was a blast!
 It's crazy for me to think that I am now in the position of creating my child's memories, his childhood stories are unfolding right before my eyes, and I must say that is one of the neatest experiences of motherhood. It also is an experience in which you relieve that childhood magic yourself. For example, a couple days ago Hank and I took Henry costume shopping at the big Halloween store. We took him back into the fitting room to try on an Elmo costume, and he started jumping up and down, clapping his hands, acting silly and showing off to himself in the mirror, and pointing at himself with a huge grin. It was so fun to pick out and try on costumes with my little boy, and I can't wait for him to go out all dressed up for candy. Those are the memories that I look back on and smile about, and it's fun to look down at Henry and smile about him enjoying it.
I truly enjoy being a mama. If there is anything you ever remember about me, I hope this sticks out to you most. "That girl loves her Henry boy so so much, and being his mama makes her so happy." I can't believe what an adventure this motherhood thing has been for me so far, but I've loved every moment I've been fortunate to have it.

XOXO, Kess

My Legacy.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith"
-2 Timothy 4:7

Do you ever wonder what kind of legacy you are going to leave behind?

When I think of legacies, it brought me to read about the apostle Paul in my bible, and the heart of Paul as he wrote a letter to Timothy. Paul had expanded himself in the service of Christ, and had a sense that he was nearing the end of his life. We know from his other writings in scripture that he was not afraid of death. In fact, he stated that if he were absent from his body, then he would be present with the Lord (1 Corinthians 5:3) Paul knew that the Resurrection had defeated the sting of death, and he couldn't wait to be with his Savior.

What really stuck out to my heart as I studied this today was his simple statements about his legacy of life. He had "fought a good fight", "finished the race" and "kept the faith". I thought about how Paul fought the good fight by standing firm as a spiritual warrior, faithfully defending the Gospel, clothed in the armor of God. I thought about how he finished the race by ensuring he was not disheartened in the marathon of of live and the ministry of Jesus. Most importantly, how he kept the faith, remaining true, commited, and loyal to the One who rescued us all from the darkness.

I came to notice how I loved things that Paul did NOT hint or mention as well. The places he had traveled, the people he had preached to, the letters he wrote, or the churches he flourished. I think he wanted his legacy to be flat out labeled "faithful". I love that; It's what I want to aspire to be as a follower of Jesus.

So today I asked myself, "If that's the legacy I want to leave behind, how will I pursue it today?" I need to put on my full armour of God each morning, I need to run the race, leaving all hinders and sins that entangle me behind. Most importantly, in every situation I want my attitudes, my words, and my actions to be loyal and true to Jesus. 

I am going to work on my legacy one day at a time, one decision at a time. I long to hear the words,
"Well done, my good and faithful servant. Welcome home."

XOXO, Kess