Hopeless.

Dear Lord,

I feel a little down today.

My heart is heavy.

Sometimes I get burdened with the things of life, with marriage, with stress, with family, with finances, with myself.

I guess I just need a little affirmation. Please send encouragements to me today.

Let my ears hear your precious words.

Words of life that will fill my heart with hope.

Please use my husband to speak words of peace.

Please use my family and friends to build me up.

It is days such as these that I am reminded how truly vulnerable we are.

Even in my weakness please help me to be an encouragement to someone else today.

You are my strength and my joy. I will trust in You.

Amen ♥

Bittersweet.

This word has been striking around like crazy in my little blonde head lately. The past few weeks have been very overwhelming and stressful for my little family, but although times have been hard, I can still manage a smile and thank God for his immense blessings and love. Lots of things in my life have been BITTERSWEET recently.

Bittersweet waxing and waning of friendships.

Bittersweet milestones and growth in Henry.

Bittersweet financial hardships.

Bittersweet mood swings.

To most of you those may seem simply bitter, and sour with zest and sting. Lately, I've reprogramed my brain to think of the blessing in EVERY thing. Yes it's hard when friends move, lose contact, or such, but they may be fulfilling the next phase God has placed in their life, or in fact maybe God just placed them in MY life temporarily to uplift them or for them to teach me a lesson. Yes it's hard when I look back and see my baby is growing bigger right before my eyes, but I am cherishing every second and grateful for the baby God so graciously sent to me. Yes money has been tighter than I EVER imagined it could be, and keeps me up worrying, but does it make me appreciate when we can buy bread or put a little fuel in the car? Absolutely! Yes it's hard to feel lonely and down, and for old hurts to resurface, but it makes me appreciate every smile, every laugh, every good time I have.

Some times in life you have to taste the bitter to know the sweet. By golly, I have tasted bitter throughout my life through and through; life sometimes seems like one big lemonhead! But the older I get, the more I realize what genuine happiness is, and to grasp and appreciate it for all that it is when I am. Growing up is a beautiful thing :)

Are you having some bitter thrown your way? Is life seeming sour to you?

What helps you get through it?

Wishing you a happy week :)

XOXO, Kess

Anniversary♥

Yesterday was our third anniversary...I can hardly believe it! So much has happened and changed since then, and for the better. When I think of our wedding day, one word boldly comes to mind, CELEBRATION. It truly was one of the best times I've ever had in my life. It was a party; everyone danced and rejoiced, congratulated and hugged, mingled and joked. It was one of those moments in life you wish you could capture and relive over and over.

Our anniversary started off great from the start, because all of us slept in until 10AM...yes 10AM is a luxury with a baby! We got ready and took our friends to the Picnic Basket Café (a little diner that oversees the Nampa Airport, one of our fav go-to spots) They have a little boy named Brantley who is two months younger than Henry, and by goll they are the best of friends you ever did see...so cute! We visited and laughed as the babies threw menus and giggled, then watched the planes fly over us. We went back to the house to gather our swim gear, then headed back into Boise to float the river. Henry went to Brantley's house to be babysat, which was hard for his mommy at first, but he did just great! Floating the river downtown is something Hank and I have always wanted to do since living here, and since we had a babysitter, it was 100 degrees, and Hank had a day off, it was long overdue ;) We floated for about 2 1/2 hrs, relaxing, laughing, enjoying the sun! We picked Henry up, and drove back out to Nampa. When we got home we were so tired from the sun, and Henry was so tired from his playdate, we just took a family power nap! Our neighborhood friend, Tina, had offered to watch Henry so we could go to dinner, so we woke up and got everyone ready to go. It was nice to dress up and go out to a dinner just the two of us. Hank dressed up in a button up shirt, tie, and dress pants, and I wore a black dress with black heels. We felt so fancy! Especially since I am used to old highschool shirts and shorts covered with baby and Hank is always in deputy attire! We went to a local fancy restaurant called Darby's in downtown Nampa, where they gave us a booth in the back. It wasn't very busy, so it was nice to enjoy a low key dinner without all the craze Friday nights out usually have. I texted Tina to see how Henry was doing, and since he was doing great and her 6 kids were having a blast playing with him, she said to enjoy ourselves and not rush back. Across the street from the restaurant was a Ceramics studio I had been to once, and I suggested going with Hank jokingly, and surprisingly he agreed to go! Hank is not the arts and crafts guy by any means, so this came as a shock to me! We picked out a plate, and started painting it together and visiting. It was fun to see Hank enjoy something I really enjoy with me, I think he enjoyed it just as much ;) We painted it with our last name along the edge, and filled the middle with all of our names. It was really fun! We finished it off by picking up Henry and having some ice cream at home together, and exchanging new vows.

 It was a really low key anniversary, which is ideal for us :) It was fun to have lots of one on one time with my husband, and get an actual conversation in between the two of us. I cannot believe we've been married 3 years. He truly is my best friend; I delight in his company. We are going to be those kooky old people that will annoy each other, but yet still love each other to pieces. The happiness I've had since Hank is unreal, and it will just continue to grow as time goes on. It was a great anniversary, and here's to many many more....

xoxo, Kess

A Chat on Friendship.

I grew up always having more guy friends than girl friends. I loved them! They weren’t catty, or dramatic, or jealous, or competitive (at least not with me). They were always doing cool things like skateboarding and listening to rock or making funny videos. And if I’m being completely honest, I felt worth in their attention and adoration.

A funny thing happened when I got married, almost every single one of my guy friends stopped hanging out with me. It was hard on a lot of levels. I didn’t understand it at the time, but it did make some things simpler. It cleared my slate to find some new friends and helped me reconnect with girls that I valued, but lost touch with. I started making a pointed effort to invest time and energy in developing valuable friendships. Even these days I don’t have a ton of friends. “Quality over quantity” is one of my favorite sayings and it rings true when it comes to friends also.

But still, some days I wake up and don’t feel like anyone relates to me. No one understands what I have gone through in my life, or the struggles I am going through now. No one’s calling to check on me, or invite me out of this rut. It’s hard to even write that, it sounds so whiny and ungrateful for all the people I do have in my life, but when thinking of a blog topic to write about, this topic kept coming into my mind.

Maybe it’s to work out a few things I’m going through, or maybe it’s forcing me to reflect on what I can do to build more fulfilling relationships.Either way, when I have one of those days, where I feel down and scared, and I don’t know how to snap out of it, what do you do? I usually start with just being sad: melancholy, mopy, listless! I try to cheer myself up, but somethings just need to run their course. After I’m done with my pity party, I try to think of things I can do. Not just keeping myself busy, but things that have real meaning: writing a letter to someone who’s having a hard time, planning a girls night, and just being the type of friend that I would like to have. Usually within a day or two the tides have changed and I am out of my rut.

But what can I do to stay in a happy place all the time? Is that really even possible? Maybe feeling lonely helps foster deeper gratitude and love for the relationships we do have.  They might not be perfect, in fact, no relationship is perfect because people aren’t perfect, but you have to either be happy for what that person contributes to your life, even with the flaws, and/or work together at improving that relationship so that both parties can feel strengthened and uplifted.

Building on that, I think a big key to building strong friendships is to ask for the things you need. If you need a shoulder to cry on or a quick 4 hour catch up call, ask for it. Take the initiative, your friend might be waiting on the other end of that phone for a good friend to call. Husbands can’t read minds, and sometimes your friends can’t either.

Friends are gifts, but they aren’t a right, you don’t automatically deserve friends, you have to cultivate and care for friendships. You have to swallow your pride, bring down your walls and put yourself out there.

Am I alone? Have you ever felt this way? I would love to hear your thoughts and what you have found works in your life.

Xoxo, Kess ♥