I grew up always having more guy friends than girl friends. I loved them! They weren’t catty, or dramatic, or jealous, or competitive (at least not with me). They were always doing cool things like skateboarding and listening to rock or making funny videos. And if I’m being completely honest, I felt worth in their attention and adoration.
A funny thing happened when I got married, almost every single one of my guy friends stopped hanging out with me. It was hard on a lot of levels. I didn’t understand it at the time, but it did make some things simpler. It cleared my slate to find some new friends and helped me reconnect with girls that I valued, but lost touch with. I started making a pointed effort to invest time and energy in developing valuable friendships. Even these days I don’t have a ton of friends. “Quality over quantity” is one of my favorite sayings and it rings true when it comes to friends also.
But still, some days I wake up and don’t feel like anyone relates to me. No one understands what I have gone through in my life, or the struggles I am going through now. No one’s calling to check on me, or invite me out of this rut. It’s hard to even write that, it sounds so whiny and ungrateful for all the people I do have in my life, but when thinking of a blog topic to write about, this topic kept coming into my mind.
Maybe it’s to work out a few things I’m going through, or maybe it’s forcing me to reflect on what I can do to build more fulfilling relationships.Either way, when I have one of those days, where I feel down and scared, and I don’t know how to snap out of it, what do you do? I usually start with just being sad: melancholy, mopy, listless! I try to cheer myself up, but somethings just need to run their course. After I’m done with my pity party, I try to think of things I can do. Not just keeping myself busy, but things that have real meaning: writing a letter to someone who’s having a hard time, planning a girls night, and just being the type of friend that I would like to have. Usually within a day or two the tides have changed and I am out of my rut.
But what can I do to stay in a happy place all the time? Is that really even possible? Maybe feeling lonely helps foster deeper gratitude and love for the relationships we do have. They might not be perfect, in fact, no relationship is perfect because people aren’t perfect, but you have to either be happy for what that person contributes to your life, even with the flaws, and/or work together at improving that relationship so that both parties can feel strengthened and uplifted.
Building on that, I think a big key to building strong friendships is to ask for the things you need. If you need a shoulder to cry on or a quick 4 hour catch up call, ask for it. Take the initiative, your friend might be waiting on the other end of that phone for a good friend to call. Husbands can’t read minds, and sometimes your friends can’t either.
Friends are gifts, but they aren’t a right, you don’t automatically deserve friends, you have to cultivate and care for friendships. You have to swallow your pride, bring down your walls and put yourself out there.
Am I alone? Have you ever felt this way? I would love to hear your thoughts and what you have found works in your life.
Xoxo, Kess ♥
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