For Christmas, I had gotten Hank the ideal present for him. I am one of those people that just about dies with anticipation when I've done something for them; I want to tell them so badly and spill it before the time to find out! But, I kept it hush hush :) I'm so proud of myself! Anywho....
For the longest time, Hank has had an extreme passion for airplanes. For our senior prom date, he had blind-folded me from my house in Inkom and drove me all the way out to the Pocatello Airport, where he revealed that we would be taking a discovery flight and I would be co-piloting! It was such beautiful weather that day, and I remember being up in the sky, manuvering the little Cessna over both his house in Chubbuck, and mine in Inkom. It was such a memorable experience, and quite the creative date! It is an experience you must do :)
So when we moved to Nampa after we got married, we found ourselves living conviniently located next to the Nampa Airport. We have enjoyed watching small planes, and even warhawk planes soar over our home. When its warm, we will just sit out back and watch the sky.
Ok, now that you've got some background, let me get back on track :) I went down to the Nampa Airport a little after Thanksgiving and bought him 2 gift cards to go on 2 seperate flights. I just knew he'd be estatic! After having Henry, and having the winter season pass by, he finally got to redeem a flight gift card yesterday! (He had previously rescheduled his flight twice due to bad weather, so he was really excited when he finally got to fly!)
Henry and I watched from the inside windows of the airport and Hank went out with his instructor, Jim. They did the pre-flight inspection, and Hank took off! It was really cool watching him take off and experience his dream; I can guarantee you my husband will be a pilot someday :) I fall in love with his passion, the way his eyes light up when he talks about his dreams, and how he fills up with light. It'll be cool to see where this takes him :)
"Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward Him for the life of your young children." -Lamentations 2:19
I sit here in my recliner, Ernie in my lap, and Henry in my arms, rocking rhythmically to Dixie Chicks in the background. Henry fusses, then continues sucking his binky as he tries to drift off to sleep. I sip from my cup what would be my fourth cup of coffee, and brush my messy bedhead from my face. It has yet again been a long, exhausting, sleepless night.
Henry was just getting into a routine, and it was going great. We were figuring out a little pattern during the day, feedings, changings, alert time, naps, followed by the long night stretch of sleep. I felt as if I had succeeded, and we had finally climbed to the peak. Then, just as I reach for that last glorious step, I get knocked down, and barrel roll down to the very bottom once more.
I was so close.
Henry and I have thrush for the second time, and he has had colic episodes for weeks now. I know I've only had the position of a mommy for 8weeks, but I definitely have learned some things. It's the best of jobs. It's the most difficult of jobs. It can bring you the greatest joy. It can bring you the greatest stress. There is nothing as fulfilling and exhilarating. There's nothing so depleting and exhausting. No area of your life can make you feel more like a success when everything is going well, and no area of your life can make you feel more like a failure when things go wrong.
Just when I think the terrain is too treacherous, I remember something.
My child's life doesn't have to be left to chance. I will not have to do it all on my own strength, but rather I can turn to the expert parent of all time, GOD, for help. My heart's weight is lifted.
Although I've had a lot of difficulty thrown my direction, I can stand firm in this. I will remain a positive light throughout this. Maybe, just maybe, this hardship is so I can be a Christ-like example; I can show my positivity and faith throughout this. This reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite authors:
"Only God can turn your mess into your message, your trials into triumph, a victim into victory, and a test into your testimony." -Joyce Meyer
I am in the perfect situation to complain.
to throw in the towel.
to grovel and whine.
to give up.
But I will stand firm.
I will remain positive, and keep a God-driven, loving heart. That is what I am called to do, whether or not things are in my favor. God, I have two options.
Complain and remain.
or
Praise and be raised.
I choose option 2. I will praise you in this storm, for even though things are a mess, I look at my life and see a multitude of blessings.
I can do this.
...for I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
"Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." -Jeremiah 33:3
"If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you."-John 15:7
"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest."[I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] -Matthew 11:28
Our little family recieved some long-awaited good news for Valentine's Day!
My sweet hubster Hank has been a sales rep for Verizon for 3 years. Although the company has been good to work for, he has gotten quite burnt out. All day, everyday, people come in griping and complaining to him about their phones, some calling him outside his shift hours demanding him to fix their facebook on their smartphone or mad that their "Words with Friends" score has somehow been wiped. It can be quite ridiculous if I say so myself.
Back in October, Hank had set up a phone for a lady that worked for the Ada County Sheriff's Office in Downtown Boise. She must've seen instant potential in Hank, for she suggested discretely to him that they were hiring, and gave her name for him to use as a reference. So Hank took initiative and looked into it! From then on, it has been an intense hiring process, and quite long too! Since October, Hank has done several steps to complete the process, which was started initially with extensive application forms, oral interviews, dispatch phone call sit ins, intense polygraph tests, criminal background checks, several reference calls, fingerprints, and more. (and I'm sure I'm missing some too, it's alot!)
Well after months of drives in to Boise, and steps later, Hank is setting down the smartphones, and is gaining the title of an Ada County Dispatch Officer :) I'm so proud of him; he has worked so hard for this, and I know he will be great!
Ever since I've known Hank, he has been in the sales industry. His first job was a sales rep for World Gym in Pocatello, and then for Verizon as a sales rep in Boise. This is new and exciting territory for him; I just know he will love it! He has never had a job where he doesn't have to sell, he can just work! He will love being able to clock out, and truly be clocked out :) He will also have a schedule of 4 days on, 3 days off, and our little family will have some additional benefits. It is such an answered prayer, God is so good. I am so profoundly amazed by His work, even when we can't see it, it is there. I can't express how much of a blessing this is :) Seeing Hank come home burnt out and weary from customers was so hard, and just knowing this other job could potentially happen was seeming to be the light at the end of the tunnel. This job is the answer of many prayers I've prayed for Hank, so we are so excited! He is set to start March 11th :)
The other blessing with this job is that I will no longer have the pressure of having to work a certain amount; I will now be able to stay home and raise my Henrybug :) Gahh, that in itself just brings happy tears. I will still work, taking massage appointments around Hank's schedule, only because I love being a massage therapist, and I think it would be a good outlet for me to escape for an hour or so with some adults :) Living in Boise, we don't have any family that Henry could go with, so during my maternity leave I have stressed and stressed over what we would do when I needed to go back. I just couldn't bear having him go to daycare. But now, that weight has lifted :") I cannot begin to tell you just how relieved and blessed I feel.
So that's our big news :) We are so happy and feel such graditude about this, now its just a matter of letting it all sink in!! Since Hank also has some paid time vacation days saved up with Verizon, he is considering taking those right before his transition to the Dispatch office, so I might have two weeks vacation with Hank before he starts his new job :) Gosh, happy tears once again. Get it together Kess!
On another note, the weather in Nampa is just beautiful! We had such a mild winter here, and it is now looking more and more like spring, which is so bizarre for mid-February in Idaho!! I think I just might go for a walk with my baby boy and Ernie :)
I love keeping up to date with people and reading their blogs, and lately I have noticed a fad in blogging, and I'm going to jump the gun as well :) On Tuesdays, people are blogging "The Tuesday Ten", which is 10 facts/thoughts/tidbits the person wants to share! I thought that sounded fun, so I'm joining the bandwagon, here is my Tuesday Ten:
1. "Good in Goodbye" by Carrie Underwood
I am LOVING this song lately. (Click the link if you haven't heard it!) My favorite part is "I thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserve." Sometimes life truly leads you down a different road, and through your tunnel vision you cannot see God's bigger plan, and once it unfolds, you look back amazed at what He did, and how much better it was for you. and I love that about Him. Plus Carrie's voice is beautiful as usual.
2. Freaking Laundry.
This E-Card pretty much says it all. I despise laundry. I swear it breeds while I am sleeping. Little Henry has kept me so busy that I end up rewashing loads as well. It's such an awful chore!
3. Cara Loren.
Have you seen this woman's blog?? Holay. Her style is wonderful! I wish I looked that put together and dolled up, and goodness, don't get me started on her outfits. Her little son even surpasses me with fashion haha. So cute! One day Henry and I will dress like that :) Here is just a taste of it! Check out her blog for more! (caraloren.com)
5. Hair. Hair. Hair.
Getting my hair done has always been one of my favorite things to do. It is so refreshing to get all touched up, and leave with soft, trimmed, styled, fresh hair! It is such an indulgence to me, and I love it! I am so indecisive though. My hair is the longest its ever been, and ever since I saw the "Safe Haven" previews, (Sidenote: I MUST SEE THAT MOVIE!) I have been having hair envy for Julianne Hough's new edgy look! I'm also debating keeping the length and adding layers. Who knows! The upside is that hair is hair, it can always change :)
6. WIRED.
Since having a baby, I feel as if I have been going nonstop day and night since he was born. It has brought a whole new meaning to the words "exhaustion" and "fatigue". My body is seriously running on coffee and Mountain Dew. I know, I know, its doggone awful for my health, but currently it is keeping me sane.
7. Valentine Schmalentine.
I have a love/hate relationship with Valentine's Day. It used to be my very favorite holiday! Seeing couples mush and gush over each other, and spending the day all lovestruck is so wonderful. But yet I can't help but to think its overrated; every year the media makes it seem bigger and bigger and more materialistic. It's one day that everyone sets high expectations of how it is supposed to be and feel, and that is just too much pressure. These days I feel as if people throw their love life in everyone's face, tweeting it, texting it, FB'ing about it, instagramming it, as if they need to prove its perfect and wonderful. Although I think thats sweet every now and then, I don't think its something you need to prove to people, or prove on one day.
8. Ice Cream.
I could seriously eat ice cream daily and be perfectly content. In fact, I want some now. Yum :)
9. Facebook.
Ever since Thanksgiving, I have not had a Facebook account. It is so nice! It's amazing how much time you can spend on that thing, and now freeing up that space in my life has truly let me enjoy what is actually in my life :) I do miss seeing how people are doing though, but unfortunately that's not what Facebook is for anymore it seems like!
10. Mommyhood.
I have been a mommy for 7 weeks, and I can easily say that this is by far the hardest job I have ever had. It is exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally. I worked two manual labor jobs before I took this on, and now looking back, that seems like a breeze. My emotions are on and off during the day trying to keep up and tend to my Henrybug. I love him so much, even though he is a lot of work. He is just starting to develop a little personality; it is special to see him coo, smile, and interact with me :)
There is my Tuesday Ten, I feel as if I was all sorts of random, but that was fun :)
While in Pocatello I was surrounded by family. I was with people I love and who love me. And yet as I changed into comfy clothes and began to drift off to sleep, thoughts like this run through my mind…
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. What if so and so thinks I’m prideful?
I hope so-and-so understood why I did that.
I wish I weren’t so quiet sometimes.
The next day I feel a little more cautious because I’m nervous about messing up. And that only makes me worry more. It’s a cycle I’ve come to recognize because these are my signature struggles.
I have them and you do too.
Here’s the upside: Your signature struggles are related to your signature strengths.
A couple of years ago my friend helped me figure that out. She asked, “Kess, what are you really afraid of?” as I expressed a list of concerns.
I replied, “I’m afraid people will misunderstand my heart and I will hurt my relationships.”
I think she giggled a bit {I like that about her} and said, “Of course. That’s because you’re all about encouraging the hearts of people. You value understanding and connection so you struggle most when those things feel threatened.”
Ah-ha! A little lightbulb went on inside my head. As I thought back to the times in the past few years when I felt the most fear it always involved that concern: Someone will misunderstand my heart and I will hurt the relationship.
To this day when I feel fear rising up within me it’s usually related to that as well.
But here’s where my friend helped me grow: I now understand why that happens and what I can do about it.
For example, I might have an extra conversation with someone to make sure I was clear and they felt loved. Or I can connect with a wise friend and get feedback about an event so I understand how I actually came across.
Because here’s the thing: our signature struggles are not going away. They can be no fun but they support our strengths. To get rid of them would be to lose a core part of who we are. But we can learn to leverage them in two important, positive ways..
First, use your signature struggles to inform you about what matters most to you. Think of your greatest fears. Whatever you’re afraid of losing is something you highly value.
Next, use your signature struggle as opportunities to grow your strengths. You have two choices when those struggles get triggered: withdraw or lean into them. For example, withdrawing for me would mean hiding out and pulling back from people. Leaning into that struggle means making sure I connect with people in encouraging ways.
None of us like our signature struggles. I’d be glad to toss mine out my front door!
But the reality is, they’re here to stay. And they can turn out to be a gift in unexpected ways.
Think for a moment…what do you fear and what does that say about what matters most to you? How can you turn that around and make it something that actually helps you and your relationships?
