March 5, 2014

«Chasing Dreams»

I get it.

I get why people stay at jobs they don't love. I get why so many small businesses fail after the first couple of years, and why really talented people don't ever pursue their passion full time. I get why marriages fail and relationships fall apart and people become anxious and stressed over work.

Trying to make something work that has never been done before is hard.

It's real hard.
I get it.

When you put your entire being, everything you are into a project, it's tiring. You stay up all night trying to come up with solutions and new ideas and concepts. And when morning comes, you spend the day doing the same thing.

Chasing a dream feels exhausting.

I remember the first time I was really rejected. I mean, truly rejected from my "future". I didn't make ISU Cheerleading. I cried. And I was ticked off. And I got down on my knees and asked God if I should keep going. Even though He told me I should, it didn't stop the disappointment.

In fact, some days all that I can even think about doing is to sit down for a minute and just cry. Then get back to working.

Chasing a dream feels like a puffy face full of tears.

There's a difference between going to work and actually working. You know what I mean. I remember being at a job I hated so, so much, and half of the time there was literally nothing for me to even do. So I would sit there, or spend a couple hours browsing the Internet. Maybe even writing a blog post or two. That's not working, that's being paid for showing up. Working involves being smart, figuring out how to solve problems you never even knew existed, and not going home until it's either finished, or your eyes are so tired that you don't have another option.

Chasing a dream feels like hard work.

I don't know how many events, outings, dinners with girlfriends, and weekends with my family I've missed. It's countless. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to work weekends while my husband is on his days off. I'll be completely honest. But at the end of the day, it's worth the sacrifice to me.

Chasing a dream feels like sacrifice.

I've never experienced a sensation quite like it... but as tired as I get, I've also never felt so alive and excited to live. I'm fulfilled in a way that nothing else can satisfy.

Chasing a dream feels exhilarating.

The first weeks of motherhood I looked in awe at the little miracle that had been made; I felt a sense of accomplishment and pride over the endless hours and care that only comes from working hard.  Going to school and getting certified in massage therapy, moving to Boise, starting a facebook page to encourage others, becoming a mother, working part time at the Nampa Airport on the weekend... all of these moments in my life have been rewarding in a way that is hard to put into words. But the reward doesn't come from material things, it comes from a sense of self and esteem from nothing this world has to offer.

Chasing a dream feels rewarding.

When work leads to new opportunities, new adventures, travels, friends, and events, it's the most exciting thing in the world to experience. I love opening Bless Your Mess at the start of every day to see what it has to offer. I love the surprises, and how tomorrow can be completely different from today.

Chasing a dream feels exciting.

No matter how many times I feel defeated, deflated, and just so tired, I could never imagine myself doing anything else. In fact, when I try to, I get anxiety in the worst way as I picture myself regretting the life I lived, and never knowing what could have happened with my dream. There's something worth all the sweat and tears, and it's the triumph.

Chasing a dream feels like living.

Chasing a dream feels like truly living.

Keep chasing your dreams, friends.
XOXO, Kess

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