Having Plenty in your time of Need.

Yesterday afternoon, Henry took a lengthy nap due to not feeling well. When he naps, it's usually my rush hour to catch up on laundry, dishes, or anything little hands can't get into! But yesterday, I just took a breather. I sat in my recliner, bible in hand, searching for an encouraging word to lift me up. Just then my mom called on the phone and told me this verse was for me:

Philippians 4:12-13

 

^"12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

There is so much truth in the entirety of this passage for me lately. Since about the middle of June, we have been playing catch up with life and all the expenses that comes with it. (Babies cost a pretty penny, but they are worth EVERY SINGLE CENT.) We have been barely getting by in order to pay off big chunks of debts we have, and it has been beyond extremely tight. It has worn on us everyday all day for months now, but things are finally looking attainable. All the while trying to maintain trust and faith in God and His plan. I'd be lying if I said that I've had a positive, trusting attitude the whole time during this hard season. There were times of anger, doubt, and downright despair. But yet, there were also times of trust, hope, and counting of blessings. I think that's what strengthens your relationship in Christ altogether. You would never know blessings if you didn't know struggles, you wouldn't know happy if you didn't know sadness, you wouldn't know the greatness of a life in God if you didn't know God in life before. For that, I can surely say I'd take any struggle, as long as I can do hard things through HIM who STRENGTHENS ME. Even in this hard season, as much hardships as there were, it made every little blessing stand out so visibly to me. Like the time an older woman saw me at church crying and came and put her arm around me, Henry's smiles, new budding friendships, all those things were standing out so much and gave me extra gratitude.

This song and verse go along with this so perfectly, so click the link and look it up if you'd like:

Laura Story-Blessings
Psalm 27:13

What about you? Have you known being in true need? Have you had plenty?

What have you learned from both?



XOXO, Kess

Lost.

...I guess that's the best word to fit the title for this post right about now. I am truly lost in my life.

...at a loss with time

...at a loss with patience

...at a loss with hope

...at a loss as a wife

...at a loss with finances

...at a loss with relationships

just, lost.

Lately, I really haven't been "me". I feel as if my usual "positive, cheerful, friendly, smiling" self is of the past, and I look at the mirror and think, "Where has that girl gone?" "Where is Kessie?"

To be honest, I don't know, and it saddens me.

I feel like life has been repeatedly been wearing on me, and little by little the smiles have been wearing off as well. I feel as if women are supposed to be the strong, firm, steady constant; we have this perception that we are supposed to nurture and love with our full hearts. As much as that is my passion, I feel like my heart has been running on empty, and just as a car, when running on empty things wear and fall apart, and bigger problems arise.

I'm stressed.

I'm sad.

I'm drained. Mentally, physically, emotionally.

I don't know how I can fight this battle much longer with no ammo. Goodness, just typing this I'm annoyed at my bitter, cynical self :(

This isn't me.

I need to find me.

-Kess

Happy Fall Y'all.

September 1st, it is so so great to see you. I don't know how all of y'all feel, but for me, this summer just sped right on past us this year. I feel like summer started, the next day was the 4th of July, then the next day was the first day of school. Did it feel that quick to you?? Although summer is pretty fun, I have been anticipating fall; it's my favorite season.

I have lived in Boise for 3 years now, and I cannot begin to tell you why I love fall here THAT much more. The treasure valley with the crisp autumn air and the city of trees decorated with golds, reds, oranges, pinks, and yellows is pure beauty at its finest. The good Lord knew what he was doing with fall :) It's gorgeous. Oh, and I must also admit that I'm more of a leggings, scarf, and boots kind of gal. My husband loves September too; it's so funny how hyped he gets about the month.

Things have been pretty up and down for us pretty recently. Extreme financial stresses with bills, baby expenses/hospital bill, refrigerator almost going out, sharing one car temporarily, life has pushed us to our breaking points. It's been a rather stressful summer. But just as there are seasons of weather, there are seasons in our lives. Moods and situations will wax and wane, but I truly aspire to put my heart and faith in God and His words of promise during any season. Even when it's hard. Even when it's hopeless. Even when it's desperate. Because He promises to never leave us or forsake us. He loves His children and promises to always provide...and you know what, sometimes it's not in the way you think He will/should. Sometimes it's not in the timing you want. But His plan is always best, and I can humbly look at my life and see that apply numerous times.

I'm excited for this change of weather, and as well as my change of heart on my situations. This whole summer, I've had an aching, uncontrollable,heavy sigh of anxiety on my heart, and the past two mornings, I've woken up with complete peace in my heart. Like I mentioned earlier, our refrigerator went out yesterday while making dinner, and rather then getting hot in fury, rather then losing my temper, I immediately prayed in my head. "Lord, take this stress." "Lord, I know you need me to trust, help me trust." "God, reveal your plan with this to me." Needless to say, it was the breaker switch that had flipped in our garage, a relief of an easy fix. God revealed to me something that was beyond the fridge, beyond the stress, and simply spoke to my heart. In that "ah-ha!" moment, I realized I had not given God my entirety of faith in Him. I realized to change my heart and be positive in Him, and just as I changed my heart, He showed me it was a lesson.  Isn't He a wonder? ♥

Gosh, fall, the fridge, my heart, stress...lawdy this blog post is all over the place, my apologies in advance! But I guess lately my heart and mind have been going all over the place too, so I'll justify it with that ;)

Last night, I got to accompany Hank to work, and I can honestly say I am so profoundly proud of my husband. To see him in such a prestige, professional setting was amazing; I will blog more about my experience on my next post, it was wonderful! Henry is my 8 month crazy machine; he is in between being totally mobile and totally dependable, so he's been pretty frustrated with the in between skills. He is so fun though, and his smiles and snuggles tug at my heartstrings. He's my world ♥

Well, sorry for my random rambling. I post a lot about different topics, but today I thought I'd give you a personal update on my life and my little family. Once again, happy fall y'all!

Xoxo, Kess ♥

Hopeless.

Dear Lord,

I feel a little down today.

My heart is heavy.

Sometimes I get burdened with the things of life, with marriage, with stress, with family, with finances, with myself.

I guess I just need a little affirmation. Please send encouragements to me today.

Let my ears hear your precious words.

Words of life that will fill my heart with hope.

Please use my husband to speak words of peace.

Please use my family and friends to build me up.

It is days such as these that I am reminded how truly vulnerable we are.

Even in my weakness please help me to be an encouragement to someone else today.

You are my strength and my joy. I will trust in You.

Amen ♥

Bittersweet.

This word has been striking around like crazy in my little blonde head lately. The past few weeks have been very overwhelming and stressful for my little family, but although times have been hard, I can still manage a smile and thank God for his immense blessings and love. Lots of things in my life have been BITTERSWEET recently.

Bittersweet waxing and waning of friendships.

Bittersweet milestones and growth in Henry.

Bittersweet financial hardships.

Bittersweet mood swings.

To most of you those may seem simply bitter, and sour with zest and sting. Lately, I've reprogramed my brain to think of the blessing in EVERY thing. Yes it's hard when friends move, lose contact, or such, but they may be fulfilling the next phase God has placed in their life, or in fact maybe God just placed them in MY life temporarily to uplift them or for them to teach me a lesson. Yes it's hard when I look back and see my baby is growing bigger right before my eyes, but I am cherishing every second and grateful for the baby God so graciously sent to me. Yes money has been tighter than I EVER imagined it could be, and keeps me up worrying, but does it make me appreciate when we can buy bread or put a little fuel in the car? Absolutely! Yes it's hard to feel lonely and down, and for old hurts to resurface, but it makes me appreciate every smile, every laugh, every good time I have.

Some times in life you have to taste the bitter to know the sweet. By golly, I have tasted bitter throughout my life through and through; life sometimes seems like one big lemonhead! But the older I get, the more I realize what genuine happiness is, and to grasp and appreciate it for all that it is when I am. Growing up is a beautiful thing :)

Are you having some bitter thrown your way? Is life seeming sour to you?

What helps you get through it?

Wishing you a happy week :)

XOXO, Kess

Anniversary♥

Yesterday was our third anniversary...I can hardly believe it! So much has happened and changed since then, and for the better. When I think of our wedding day, one word boldly comes to mind, CELEBRATION. It truly was one of the best times I've ever had in my life. It was a party; everyone danced and rejoiced, congratulated and hugged, mingled and joked. It was one of those moments in life you wish you could capture and relive over and over.

Our anniversary started off great from the start, because all of us slept in until 10AM...yes 10AM is a luxury with a baby! We got ready and took our friends to the Picnic Basket Café (a little diner that oversees the Nampa Airport, one of our fav go-to spots) They have a little boy named Brantley who is two months younger than Henry, and by goll they are the best of friends you ever did see...so cute! We visited and laughed as the babies threw menus and giggled, then watched the planes fly over us. We went back to the house to gather our swim gear, then headed back into Boise to float the river. Henry went to Brantley's house to be babysat, which was hard for his mommy at first, but he did just great! Floating the river downtown is something Hank and I have always wanted to do since living here, and since we had a babysitter, it was 100 degrees, and Hank had a day off, it was long overdue ;) We floated for about 2 1/2 hrs, relaxing, laughing, enjoying the sun! We picked Henry up, and drove back out to Nampa. When we got home we were so tired from the sun, and Henry was so tired from his playdate, we just took a family power nap! Our neighborhood friend, Tina, had offered to watch Henry so we could go to dinner, so we woke up and got everyone ready to go. It was nice to dress up and go out to a dinner just the two of us. Hank dressed up in a button up shirt, tie, and dress pants, and I wore a black dress with black heels. We felt so fancy! Especially since I am used to old highschool shirts and shorts covered with baby and Hank is always in deputy attire! We went to a local fancy restaurant called Darby's in downtown Nampa, where they gave us a booth in the back. It wasn't very busy, so it was nice to enjoy a low key dinner without all the craze Friday nights out usually have. I texted Tina to see how Henry was doing, and since he was doing great and her 6 kids were having a blast playing with him, she said to enjoy ourselves and not rush back. Across the street from the restaurant was a Ceramics studio I had been to once, and I suggested going with Hank jokingly, and surprisingly he agreed to go! Hank is not the arts and crafts guy by any means, so this came as a shock to me! We picked out a plate, and started painting it together and visiting. It was fun to see Hank enjoy something I really enjoy with me, I think he enjoyed it just as much ;) We painted it with our last name along the edge, and filled the middle with all of our names. It was really fun! We finished it off by picking up Henry and having some ice cream at home together, and exchanging new vows.

 It was a really low key anniversary, which is ideal for us :) It was fun to have lots of one on one time with my husband, and get an actual conversation in between the two of us. I cannot believe we've been married 3 years. He truly is my best friend; I delight in his company. We are going to be those kooky old people that will annoy each other, but yet still love each other to pieces. The happiness I've had since Hank is unreal, and it will just continue to grow as time goes on. It was a great anniversary, and here's to many many more....

xoxo, Kess

A Chat on Friendship.

I grew up always having more guy friends than girl friends. I loved them! They weren’t catty, or dramatic, or jealous, or competitive (at least not with me). They were always doing cool things like skateboarding and listening to rock or making funny videos. And if I’m being completely honest, I felt worth in their attention and adoration.

A funny thing happened when I got married, almost every single one of my guy friends stopped hanging out with me. It was hard on a lot of levels. I didn’t understand it at the time, but it did make some things simpler. It cleared my slate to find some new friends and helped me reconnect with girls that I valued, but lost touch with. I started making a pointed effort to invest time and energy in developing valuable friendships. Even these days I don’t have a ton of friends. “Quality over quantity” is one of my favorite sayings and it rings true when it comes to friends also.

But still, some days I wake up and don’t feel like anyone relates to me. No one understands what I have gone through in my life, or the struggles I am going through now. No one’s calling to check on me, or invite me out of this rut. It’s hard to even write that, it sounds so whiny and ungrateful for all the people I do have in my life, but when thinking of a blog topic to write about, this topic kept coming into my mind.

Maybe it’s to work out a few things I’m going through, or maybe it’s forcing me to reflect on what I can do to build more fulfilling relationships.Either way, when I have one of those days, where I feel down and scared, and I don’t know how to snap out of it, what do you do? I usually start with just being sad: melancholy, mopy, listless! I try to cheer myself up, but somethings just need to run their course. After I’m done with my pity party, I try to think of things I can do. Not just keeping myself busy, but things that have real meaning: writing a letter to someone who’s having a hard time, planning a girls night, and just being the type of friend that I would like to have. Usually within a day or two the tides have changed and I am out of my rut.

But what can I do to stay in a happy place all the time? Is that really even possible? Maybe feeling lonely helps foster deeper gratitude and love for the relationships we do have.  They might not be perfect, in fact, no relationship is perfect because people aren’t perfect, but you have to either be happy for what that person contributes to your life, even with the flaws, and/or work together at improving that relationship so that both parties can feel strengthened and uplifted.

Building on that, I think a big key to building strong friendships is to ask for the things you need. If you need a shoulder to cry on or a quick 4 hour catch up call, ask for it. Take the initiative, your friend might be waiting on the other end of that phone for a good friend to call. Husbands can’t read minds, and sometimes your friends can’t either.

Friends are gifts, but they aren’t a right, you don’t automatically deserve friends, you have to cultivate and care for friendships. You have to swallow your pride, bring down your walls and put yourself out there.

Am I alone? Have you ever felt this way? I would love to hear your thoughts and what you have found works in your life.

Xoxo, Kess ♥