What's my Purpose?

Lord I just cry out this prayer to you day in and day out lately.

My heart feels so tattered and broken.

I find myself in complete discouragement and hopelessness, and can't seem to see Your light throughout all this.

I feel like I exhaust myself loving and serving the people You have placed in my life, only to fall short and fail in return. 

Please reaffirm You love me. 

You chose me.

You have purpose for me. 

....and that I am ENOUGH.

Xoxo, Kess

Wordless Wednesday [happy fall y'all]

XOXO, Kess

These are the Days.

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers"

-Anne of Green Gables

Oh Anne with an E, I couldn't agree with you more girlfriend! October is seriously my favorite time of year. I love everything about the fall and I get swept up in the season's magic every year. There is just something about the crunching leaves, pumpkin patches, football games, layered outfits, hunting season, and more that make my heart jitter. 

Last night we did our 2nd year of the family tradition of doing Papa Murphey's Pizza and pumpkins, and we had so much fun. I went and got Henry paint and stickers for his little pumpkin that way he didn't feel left out or bored during the carving process. We laughed, carved, and jammed out to Thriller and monster mash; it was a blast!
 It's crazy for me to think that I am now in the position of creating my child's memories, his childhood stories are unfolding right before my eyes, and I must say that is one of the neatest experiences of motherhood. It also is an experience in which you relieve that childhood magic yourself. For example, a couple days ago Hank and I took Henry costume shopping at the big Halloween store. We took him back into the fitting room to try on an Elmo costume, and he started jumping up and down, clapping his hands, acting silly and showing off to himself in the mirror, and pointing at himself with a huge grin. It was so fun to pick out and try on costumes with my little boy, and I can't wait for him to go out all dressed up for candy. Those are the memories that I look back on and smile about, and it's fun to look down at Henry and smile about him enjoying it.
I truly enjoy being a mama. If there is anything you ever remember about me, I hope this sticks out to you most. "That girl loves her Henry boy so so much, and being his mama makes her so happy." I can't believe what an adventure this motherhood thing has been for me so far, but I've loved every moment I've been fortunate to have it.

XOXO, Kess

My Legacy.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith"
-2 Timothy 4:7

Do you ever wonder what kind of legacy you are going to leave behind?

When I think of legacies, it brought me to read about the apostle Paul in my bible, and the heart of Paul as he wrote a letter to Timothy. Paul had expanded himself in the service of Christ, and had a sense that he was nearing the end of his life. We know from his other writings in scripture that he was not afraid of death. In fact, he stated that if he were absent from his body, then he would be present with the Lord (1 Corinthians 5:3) Paul knew that the Resurrection had defeated the sting of death, and he couldn't wait to be with his Savior.

What really stuck out to my heart as I studied this today was his simple statements about his legacy of life. He had "fought a good fight", "finished the race" and "kept the faith". I thought about how Paul fought the good fight by standing firm as a spiritual warrior, faithfully defending the Gospel, clothed in the armor of God. I thought about how he finished the race by ensuring he was not disheartened in the marathon of of live and the ministry of Jesus. Most importantly, how he kept the faith, remaining true, commited, and loyal to the One who rescued us all from the darkness.

I came to notice how I loved things that Paul did NOT hint or mention as well. The places he had traveled, the people he had preached to, the letters he wrote, or the churches he flourished. I think he wanted his legacy to be flat out labeled "faithful". I love that; It's what I want to aspire to be as a follower of Jesus.

So today I asked myself, "If that's the legacy I want to leave behind, how will I pursue it today?" I need to put on my full armour of God each morning, I need to run the race, leaving all hinders and sins that entangle me behind. Most importantly, in every situation I want my attitudes, my words, and my actions to be loyal and true to Jesus. 

I am going to work on my legacy one day at a time, one decision at a time. I long to hear the words,
"Well done, my good and faithful servant. Welcome home."

XOXO, Kess

A few of my favorite things. *vol 2*

Hi there :)

Can't believe it's already time for me to post a new month's list of favorite things. If you are new to these posts of mine, let me explain a little. This is my second favorite things post, and the list is a few products/items and such that I've tried and have been enjoying, and want to share them with you as well so that you may try and enjoy them too :) If you want to see my first favorite things post, click here:
 August Edition, Vol 1

Okay, let's get started, shall we?!

1. Fringe Clutch
Fringe is all the rave lately, and perfect for the transition into fall. I have love seeing the different pieces with fringe detail, and to my surprise I found this brand new at Saver's (local thrift store) I love it. It's an easy bag to throw just keys and a wallet into, and easy to take in and out of a diaper bag depending on if my little is coming along :) I've seen similar bags/clutches at Rue 21, Target, and Kmart. Pick one up, they're so fun.

2. Girls Funds Graphic Tee
Graphic Tees....need I say more?! Goodness, I'm a sucker for them. They are so transitional and can be dressed up or down depending on the occasion or look you prefer. Classic w/ jeans, under a blazer, tucked into a skirt, under a leather bomber jacket, the possibilities are endless! May I also add I love me a good pun? Haha. If I think of one I sometimes will create a shirt myself to say what I want it too. I saw this at Target, and it has a longer back which I love in a shirt. I believe it was $15. I wear it tons!

3. Boho Statement Necklace
Yes, I know my last post had some statement necklaces too, but hey this is a different one. I really have been liking the look of chunky silver bohemian necklaces with a simple top. Very edgy, and polished; I love a clean easy look! This one was a steal from Rue 21 (almost all my necklaces I pick up there for cheap) and it is a staple for many outfits. I believe it was $7.

4. Revlon Colorstay Eyeliner
Can I just tell you that I loathe eyeliner?!! Now don't get me wrong, I love to wear it. The thing that drives me crazy about it is putting it on fresh, and either it smearing down along my waterline, or wearing off soon after application. I've searched high and low for a good long lasting one, and a friend of mine recommended this. I don't know how I never tried this magical stuff, I love Revlon and especially it's colorstay line. This one passes the test ladies, if you don't take anything from this post other than this eyeliner I will still be happy as heck :) It's that good. Lasts all day and stays on your lids, no smears! So no more people asking if you've cried or to go wipe under your eyes girls!

5. Rue 21 Tropadelic Fragrance
Normally I am not drawn to any fragrance with "tropical hints". I feel as if that pina colada, fruity nonsense gives me a headache, and comes off too strong. When I tried out this scent in the store, I was hesitant, but I was pleasantly surprised! I can't exactly remember what different elements are in it, but from what I recall the associate told me it had subtle hints of mango, along with passion fruit and star fruit, along with a musk of grapefruit. It's sweet, and a pop of fun, but nothing too intense. I'm happy to have a new perfume for $10!

6. Mossimo Fringe Ankle Booties
Do you see a pattern with this fringe obsession? Haha, sorry not sorry! I was in Target the other day with Henry, and these beauties just popped off the shelf to me. I have been on the hunt for some ankle boots, and I've searched boots w/ fringe on pinterest for months; these boots were perfect! Can't wait to pair them up with some cuffed or rolled up jeans on the chilly days ahead.

7. Lavender & Chamomile Bubble Bath
Cheapest purchase yet, but I'm in love! I scored this at the Dollar Tree believe it or not, and it's wonderful! I love the Eucalyptus Mint Bath products from Bath & Body Works, but I must say I love this stuff too. Nice big bubbles with heavenly essential oil aromas. The fact that it came in a huge bottle and was only a buck is a huge bonus too!

8. Bath & Body Works Fall Collection Candles:
I love B & B works. For reals. Some days I go in with my purse in my car to resist the temptation of buying all things yummy smelling. They recently did a special for all the big 3 wick candles at 2 for $22, which is a total steal! (Each candle is normally $22 a piece, so basically buy 1 get 1 free) I picked out 4 scents: Tailgate (Cinnamon musk/leaves smell) Lemon Mint, Pumpkin Sugared Donuts, and Maple & Seasalt Popcorn. I'm set for the year :)

9. RAD Trucker Hat:
Perfect hat for a quick errand :) I love that it's black and white so it's versatile, and brings more to a typical ponytail. I love it, need I say more?!

I hope you enjoyed this post, and if you have any favs that you've been trying and loving, help a sister out and share them with me! :)

XOXO KESS

A Mood, not a Destination.

Yes, I love One Tree Hill,

and yes, I quote One Tree Hill. 

don't judge me.

It's funny because I've re-watched episodes and seasons of it, and certain things will stick out to me the second time around, and last night this quote hit me. Spoke right to me!

I've totally been guilty of viewing happiness that way. I think we all become accustomed to thinking that way about it. If we meet that person, if our debt is paid off, if we get over this rough season, then just maybe we can be at that place of happiness. I have felt that way at times. Honestly, I am guilty of trying to be a perfectionist. I have this gut feeling that tells me I'm not enough and to try harder, and be better constantly.  So I push and push, strive beyond measure, and then when I'm unhappy I can't reach these unattainable expectations, I break...break hard. I take it so personally, and become irrational about the situation, and it's hard for me to see that. 

For example, let's say Hank and I have a little knit pick argument. Maybe I've had a build up weight of stress from the demands of the day, maybe he has a build up of fatigue and stress from the calls of the night.  I start to think we are arguing because I am wrong, then it unravels to me thinking I'm a bad wife, then to me thinking we are a bad couple, then to me thinking we will never be happy together. I know this sounds so extreme and even silly, trust me, typing it myself I feel silly at the realization of the sound of it, but that's truly how I'm wired to feel in those situations.

I'm learning to detach myself from things. That maybe, just maybe, I'm not to blame for any and every circumstance that will come my way that I don't like, and you know what, it's freeing in a sense. I feel as if teaching myself to think that way, that I can achieve happiness more, just like the quote. To not fly off the handle and ruin the whole day for it. To find happiness in the little things, in many ways.

I don't know if any of these thoughts made any sense, but my scattered blonde head wanted to share them with you today :) May you think of happiness as a mood, not a destination, and find it more often. 

XOXO, Kess

Jesus, take the wheel.

Have you ever felt like you have been running on empty, things all around you falling apart, day in and day out kind of rut??

I have.

...and for weeks.

Weeks that have been days of Henry's early hints of terrible twos, messy house, irritated attitude, and no motivation. I just felt like Charlie Brown with the little rain cloud overhead that follows you around everywhere.

I'm usually a happy one, and people count on that.

So do I.

But happy people get sad too.

These past few weeks I've been overwhelmed.

Sad for nothing, sad for everything.

From anxiety to heartache,

 stressing at other's suffering,

 discouragement to not meeting other's needs,

running around like a chicken with it's head cut off,

running late to everything,

texts or calls I forgot to return,

 trying to be a present parent,

irritability and lack of patience with people,

unmotivated to cook or clean,

to feeling isolated and missing the support system of family and friends,

 to being paralyzed by my own standards of perfectionism and indecision on every level,

and honestly, just not feeling pretty or good about myself.

oh, and writer's block.

it was UGLY.

So much "wahh-wahh" right there but that's what is real.

So today, during my morning run, I prayed, and instantly, His peace settled into my soul.  I prayed and asked God to bless my week. I asked Him to help me with my stress and anxiety, to shut doors that I don't need to walk through (anyone else have a problem saying no?) and guide me down the path most useful to HIM.  I heard God speaking truth my heart needed to hear, and felt his covering of grace I needed to feel.

So glad I woke up to run. So glad I tried. So glad I prayed.

Do you ever get so caught up in life that you forget to take a step back and ask God for help??

I'm embarrassed to say that it took me an entire week to realize that I hadn't given ANY of my stress and anxiety to God.

My faith isn't perfect but it's good. I don't always understand God's plan but I'm trying to be like Him. I love Him and know he is with me through this. I've got restored and renewed hope.

I know my perfectionism makes me wait for the most amazing way to do something and then over thinking it and then crumbling under pressure and doing nothing out of self-discourage.

So I am going to press on, knowing I'm at the mercy of Jesus.

Sometimes social media and such wears me down, but yet then it can fill me back up.

I'm glad to have this space to share with you, friend.

When you're discouraged, I hope I'm the person that can fill your spirits when you need it.

Cause I know my heart soaks up encouragement from friends and family like a sponge in the hard times.

Today has been one of the brighter days for me.

 It's no wonder this day was so much better then any of my days the last week or so! When we throw our hands in the air and ask Jesus to take the wheel, our ride is so so, SO much smoother.

// "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7 \\